Here are some hilarious quotes from the funny action flick Talladega Nights.
1.) “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” — Ricky Bobby
2.) “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.” — Reese Bobby
3.) “Here’s the deal—I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” — Ricky Bobby
4.) “Hey, Jamie! Losing’s never fun, but here’s a little something to pick your spirits up… (flips the finger) It’s real nice…I got it at Target…it was on sale.” —Ricky Bobby
5.) “Ricky, remember: The field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night.” — Chip
6.) “Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or T.R. as we call him, and of course, my red-hot smoking wife, Carly who is a stone-cold fox.” — Ricky Bobby
7.) “Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.” — Ricky Bobby
8.) “No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high-level income, it’s not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300.” — Ricky Bobby
9.) “Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.” — Jean Girard
10.) “I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There’s no shame in that.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.
11.) “You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.” — Cal Naughton Jr.
12.) “We go together like cocaine and waffles.” — Cal Naughton Jr.
13.) “Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.” — Ricky Bobby
14.) “When you work on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you need the right tools too. That’s why you should use [is tossed a box of tampons] Maypax. The official tampon of NASCAR.” — Ricky Bobby
15.) “I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt. ‘Cause it says like, I wanna be formal but I’m here to party too. I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.
16.) “You don’t understand. You don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty. You don’t understand freedom. So, you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?” — Ricky Bobby
17.) “Well, let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken.” — Ricky Bobby
18.) “I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.
19.) “Daddy, you made that grace your b*tch.” — Walker Bobby
20.) “Old man, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” — Texas Ranger
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